Because I Said So.

Because I said so.


It has long been a favorite phrase of many parents.

For one thing it is the quickest and easiest answer to pretty much any question of authority that a child brings to the table. It is also kind of a power thing - in the end it doesn't matter what reasoning I give to my child for not allowing a certain thing - I am the authority and I do say so - and so the final answer is NO!

While "because I said so" certainly works and as the parent you have the right to make decisions for your children without having to explain yourself - there is something to be said for actually answering your child when they ask "why" you are making them do or aren't letting them do a certain thing. Parenting experts say that it is better to teach your child right from wrong and help them to understand consequences so that they can know how to make good choices in life.

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The Church was the "because I said so" parent for a long time - at least on the ground level.

Faithful: "Can I have sex before marriage?"
Priest: "NO!"
Faithful: "Why not?"
Priest: "Because Mother Church says so!"

Faithful: "Can I get a divorce from my husband - we just "fell" out of love?"
Priest: "NO!"
Faithful: "But why not - everyone else is doing it?"
Priest: "I don't care what your friends are doing - Mother Church says so!"

And the list goes on. For too many years we have given the answer "No" without explaining the incredible "Yes" that is the reason for every no.

Faithful: "Can I have sex before marriage?"
Priest: "No, you can't have sex before marriage - because you will be selling yourself short. Because there is an incredible YES that God has in store for you in the Sacrament of Marriage and if you wait, if you hold out for that you will experience a joy that is better than any lustful encounter you can have today."

Faithful: "Can I divorce my husband, we just fell out of love?
Priest: "No you can't get a divorce because no man can divide what God has joined. Besides when you got married God gave you an incredible YES - in that Sacrament - that YES meant that God's grace would be available to you throughout your marriage no matter what. That Sacrament also means that God is in your marriage - an integral part of it - God is the third person in your marriage - and if you involve him in things - even the difficult things - he will give you the Grace to love each other again."

These days the Church is responding with many more reasons why and why not. The Bishops are being more forthcoming in explaining Church teaching and Priests are taking time to explain Church teaching to the faithful. Yet, still we have this childlike tantrum every time we hear anything sounding like "no".

We whine and complain about why things aren't a certain way, why we can't change things to fit our needs, desires, wants. We don't understand why our "stupid, out of touch, over-reaching" parents are getting into our business and "ruining our lives". Even now that the Church through her Bishops and Priests (our parents in the faith) is making her teachings available so that all of the faithful (her children) can know why she teaches what she teaches - Catholics continue to disobey - all the while justifying their beliefs. Even many priests and religious justify this disobedience.

While our parents (the Bishops) are clarifying the "reasons" why, her children continue to proselytize with their own "reasons" why they can do as they wish. This has led to many Catholics being "disobedient" to their parents. This disobedience is in one regard sinful - in another it is the first step away from a faithful walk with God.

As Christians, Christ calls us to put away the old self and take on a new image. - of course it is His image He is speaking of. Through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit we have the Word of God which is the "heart of Christ" and through this Word of God we can come to know what God wills for us - what is "good and pleasing and perfect" (Romans 12:2). It is also through the teachings of the Church - guided by the Holy Spirit that we come to know this same "will of God." Through God's constant revelation - given through the Magesterium of the Church and through the inspired words of Scripture we can be transformed into this "new image" that scripture speaks of.

This happens by being obedient to God and those he has placed in authority. When St. Paul tells us "Do not conform yourself to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind." (Romans 12:1) He is not asking us to do this in a vacuum using our own reasoning and basing it on our own wishes. We do this by submitting ourselves to God's Holy will which is understood through the Church. No single person (bishop, priest, or lay person) is capable of understanding the whole depth and mystery of God's love - nor is one person capable of discerning "what is good and pleasing and perfect" on his or her own. It is through the combined discernment and prayer of countless Bishops, Saints, Church Fathers, Doctors of the Church, and faithful over 2000 years that we come to know the Truth - through the Holy Spirit.

As Jesus tells His disciples "I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth; for he will not speak on his own, but will speak whatever he hears, and he will declare to you the things that are to come." (John 16:12-13)

We, the faithful, as children of God must come to understand why obedience to God and to His Church are so important. This obedience takes on a spiritual dimension in that it requires a surrendering of our own will. When we find ourselves at odds with Church teaching we are being given an opportunity to grow deeper in understanding. If we fight it, if we ignore it, if we disobey it we will find ourselves in conflict with that "new creation" that Christ wants to make us into. In turn, rather than God making us in His image we we begin to make God in our image.

However, if we surrender our will, our desire, our own thinking and allow ourselves to be transformed by the renewal of our minds - we will grow more into that new creation. I can't tell you how many times I have had to let go of my own thinking on a certain issue and allowed myself to accept Church teaching - this surrender of my will to God's will leads to a closer walk with Him. In turn I have found that through this surrender, my own understanding becomes greater and I begin to see why the Church teaches a certain way - indeed I become a new creation.

Obedience is a difficult thing. Surrender is a difficult thing - but Christ never said that following him was easy. Think of how many times Christ's disciples must have had to surrender their own understanding to accept what Christ had to say.

Surrender your will today, be obedient always, seek to know "what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect," (Rom. 12:2) so that you too can become a new creation.

Where the Cash Flow (rubber) Meets the Road - TRUST

My wife and I live on a very meager budget. I'm a youth minister and she stays at home with our daughter. We know that she could work and we would have a lot more to go around - but we feel strongly that this is the life God is calling us to and that this is the type of lifestyle we want for our children. That being said - we live with less than most people and are fine living that way. Still, even living simply there isn't much left at the end of each month. We are constantly placing our trust in God - knowing that he will provide a way where there seems to be no way.

We believe strongly that God is calling us to trust him in all things and to know that he will indeed provide for our needs. Still, there is such difficulty in doing this when the rubber meets the road.

It is easy to place our trust in God on payday or when we get a nice tax return or I get a good speaking stipend, etc. It is when things get tight that it gets difficult. It is also ironic that it is always when things get tight that something unexpected happens and we have to rely on God to help us figure out where the funds for the latest "emergency" expenditure is going to come from.

The other irony is that every time I write or speak on Trust, I am thrown another situation in which I need to trust God even more with my life, my family, my job, or my finances. Last week I wrote a five part series on trust, based on retreats I've lead on trust.

In that series I spoke about tragedy and loss and how it teaches us to rely on God, I spoke of leaning into God more with our lives, and coming to a place of faith where - like Horatio Spafford who penned the words to the hymn "It is Well" - we can truly know that all is well in ever circumstance that we face. I shared how understanding the promise we have in God is important in order to find the hope that enables us to trust. Lastly, I shared that God only has good in mind for us and that though difficult things happen, it is never His plan to hurt us - he truly only has good in mind for us at all times.

So last night when after two days of pain my wife and I came to terms with the fact that she had to get to a dentist immediately I began to worry. Of course I was up all night trying to figure out how in the world I would pay for this. How will I cover what could be an enormous expense?

This morning I still had not put my worry to rest and I was frantically trying to figure out a solution - truth be told I still don't know the solution. I do know that my wife is feeling better after getting an emergency dental procedure that she needed. I am grateful that the procedure was done and that it didn't cost as much as I thought it might.

What I do know is that in the midst of my worry and scrambling - I heard that still small voice in my ear whispering "how much time do you add to your life by worrying?" (cf Matt 6:27) In that moment I felt as if God was saying - "go take care of your wife - get her cared for and I will do the rest."

So we took her in, she is doing much better and I feel at peace knowing that she is well - I also know in my heart of hearts that it will be well and God will figure out where the funds are coming from to pay for her care. After all - look at the birds of the air - they do not toil, right? (Matt. 6)

In our learning to trust God with our lives - we must never forget that each day we need to take one step closer and closer to trusing Him with our whole being. No matter what circumstances arise in our lives - we must not lose sight of our goal of being in complete union with God. If we are to achieve this union than indeed we must first work towards complete reliance.

Understanding God's Plan

This is part four in my series on Trust. You can read the previous posts by clicking on their titles here:

Part One: Waking Up to our Need for God
Part Two: Wake Up and Lean Into God
Part Three: It is Well

Excerpt from Part 3:

"Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well, it is well,with my soul."

This is the level of trust to which we are each called. It is a trust that brings great freedom in our lives. When we can truly give it all over to God, even in the middle of great pain and suffering, then we can be free to live a life of joy.

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God's Promise
In order to have this kind of faith in God we must first understand God's promise for us. We must understand that our God is a God of love, a God who loved the idea of you and I so much that he created us out of love. He created us not for his own musing, but for our own good. He envisioned our lives and saw that it was good. Indeed God created us for a purpose.

There is of course much debate about the idea of a Creator. First, let me say that it really doesn't matter how you believe the earth was created. Whether there was some form of evolution, a big bang, or God was literally forming us like clay in his hands, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that we understand He created us for a purpose.

We are not accidental beings. If we were accidents, then we would not have a purpose, which would mean that we would not strive for anything. Deep down we each know that there is a purpose to our lives and that in itself proves that we are not some accidental creation. If we just happened by chance then our lives would just happen by chance and we would live without any hope for more. Certainly there are people who don't feel like they have a purpose, they may have given up on finding their purpose in life, but I have yet to meet such a person who is not unhappy or depressed. Why is that? Because deep down they know they do have a purpose and they know they are missing out on something.

God created us out of love. He created each of us with unique gifts, talents, dreams, and desires. His love for us is so great that he will never give up on us. In fact His love is so great that he didn't give up on us already. God's plan for humanity was that we would be in union with him in the garden. That our lives would be full of joy, peace, fulfillment and creativity.

Out of love for us he gave us free-will. Our free-will allows us to make choices, both good and bad. It allows us to love or hate. Obviously God understood that we could possibly fail at this, and we have. But in his faithfulness he never turned his eyes away from us. All through salvation history we see the story of God trying to join man back to himself. He went so far as to send His Son Jesus to walk among us and die for us on the Cross. God's plan hasn't changed. He still intends for us to walk in union with him. He made us to be one with him.

That is where our true joy lies, in complete union with God. Saint Iraneaus said, "The Glory of God is man fully alive." How true this is. We are the crowning jewel of God's creation and he is pleased with all that he made us to be. Our fulfillment is glorifying to God. It is God's desire that we find fulfillment and lasting joy and peace here on earth so that ultimately we may one day be reunited with him in Heaven.

In John 10:10, Jesus tells us that he "came that they might have life and have it more abundantly." This is God's desire for us. He has not destined us for a life of gloom and despair while on earth. We are not in some waiting room just biding our time on earth. God desires us to have life to the full, that we might use those gifts, talents, and desires that he has placed within us. Then God's ultimate plan will come to pass, that we will be united with him in heaven. This is the promise we have in God. Our faith is rooted in this very promise of God's undying love for us. It is through our faith in this promise that we find the joy and lasting peace that I spoke of earlier. When we take hold of this faith and begin calling on God's promise in our lives that we can begin to trust God to a point of knowing no matter the circumstance that "it is well."

Read Part Five in this series here: "I Only Have Good in Mind for You"

It Is Well

This is part three in my series on Trust. You can read the first two articles here:
Part One: Waking Up to our Need for God
Part Two: Wake Up and Lean Into God

At the end of Part Two I posed this question for you to reflect on:

If you woke up tomorrow and everything you had was gone, everyone you loved was no longer in your life, every part of your life that put a smile on your face was no longer there, would you still have joy in your heart, would you still have God's peace in your life, would you still know that despite all that you lost, despite any pain you may feel all will be well?

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I'm sure that for some of you that question may have put you off a bit. "All is well? How could all be well if I lost everything I ever loved? Joy in my heart? How could I have joy in my heart at such a time?"

Let me clarify for just a moment. First of all, joy and happiness are two very different things. Happiness is generally a feeling or emotion that we have in the midst of doing something enjoyable or when we hear a good joke or the like. Happiness is fleeting. I am not speaking of happiness when I speak of joy. Joy is something deeper, it is the deep seeded smile in our being that despite all obstacles all will be well. It is possible to be joyful and have sadness at the same time. Sadness too is more of a fleeting emotion, unlike despair which is also deep-seeded within us. So when I ask "would you still have joy in your heart?" I am not ruling out the fact that you will feel sadness and probably loneliness. But, would you still be able to find within you the joy and peace that belongs to those who trust in the Lord?

Let me illustrate with one of my favorite stories:
There was a wealthy business man in the 1800's named Horatio G. Spafford who by all accounts had it all. He had a beautiful family, a thriving business, expansive real estate holdings - by all standards - life was good. Then his son died at a young age. Just as his life seemed to be getting back to normal, he lost most of his real estate including his home to the great Chicago fire of 1871. All he had built and worked for was gone in only days. As if that wasn't enough, a couple years later he and his family were set to sail to England for a vacation. At the last minute he was required to stay behind for a few days to tie up a business transaction. His wife and four daughters traveled ahead and he was to meet them later. On their journey the ship carrying his wife and daughters collided with another vessel. The telegram that his wife sent to him read, "Saved Alone." His daughters were killed in the tragic accident.

Imagine for a moment the horror of this news. This man had literally lost everything. While he was on a ship to meet his wife, he passed by the point where his daughters had been killed, in that moment Spafford penned these words.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

What a powerful witness to God's grace in our lives when we trust in him. One may wonder how Spafford could have such a willingness to trust that all would be well despite what he had been through. That willingness to trust comes from a place of faith. Spafford knew already that this life was not all that there was for him or his family. He knew that God's promise was still true and he knew that despite the personal pain and suffering he had been through, Christ's love and sacrifice were proof that "it is well" indeed.

Spafford knew in his heart of hearts that there was still more grace and more glory to this life. This is not to say that there were no tears, I'm sure Spafford suffered greatly from these tragedies. Still, his faith had taught him that there was more to this life, that despite the pain and sorrow of his life God's promise was still great and heaven was still waiting."Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say... it is well, with my soul."

Picture for a moment the worst tragedy in your life. Picture a time in which something horrible happened in your life that you were not expecting. It could have been the loss of a parent or grandparent, the sudden death of a loved one in a car accident, or the loss of your home in a natural disaster. Most of us have never experienced the catastrophic loss of multiple children, or the devastation of a massive fire. However, we've all experienced tragedy in one way or another. Now picture yourself back there in the midst of that tragedy. No matter what it was. Picture yourself standing in the midst of it all and saying with heartfelt conviction:

"Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well, it is well, with my soul."

This is the level of trust to which we are each called. It is a trust that brings great freedom in our lives. When we can truly give it all over to God, even in the middle of great pain and suffering, then we can be free to live a life of joy.




Read Part Four of this series "Understanding God's Plan" here.

Wake Up and Lean Into God

This is part two in my series on "Trust" You can read part one here "Waking Up to our Need for God".

We have learned to accept exterior comfort in place of internal peace of heart and mind. I know it in myself. It seems I pray pretty darn well when I am in need of something. Boy I can pray when I'm trying to stretch that paycheck just a little further than it can go. But, when I have a little extra to throw around I find I don't have so much time for prayer. Why is that? - From "Waking Up..."

Since September 11, there have been even more tragedies, the Tsunami in Asia, Hurricane Katrina, the shootings at Virginia Tech, the bridge collapse in Minnesota. How many more wake up calls will we need before we realize that while we can do it our way, we must first lean into God a little more.

I do not believe that we have a punishing God and I certainly do not believe that God intended for these events to happen. Our God is a God of love, he would never perform such an evil act on his people. However, I do believe that he uses events in our lives to work in us. When we say all things happen for a reason it is not to say that all things were planned, good or bad. God did not plan for us to sin, he did not plan for wars, he did not plan for Katrina, or September 11, or my Grandpa's heart attack. His perfect plan was for us to live perfect lives in union with him.

Since sin entered the world however, we have lots of consequences to deal with and tragedy is one of them. So, while God must allow events to take course in order to preserve our free-will, he does write straight with crooked lines. Through the aftermath of these tragedies God tugs at our heartstrings, he calls us home to him. We must learn to trust in him through all things, good or bad. We must remember that his love surpasses all things and that we need him in our lives, no matter how good things may or may not be.

There are many people who lost everything in these disasters, they lost people they loved, they lost money, they lost their homes. For many, they literally had nothing left. What these tragedies seem to do for us is to remind us that we are fragile beings and that we need God no matter what, for indeed the good and the bad in life will pass. If our trust is in God, then do we find joy in the midst of all that we struggle through.

It reminds me of a question I often ask people to reflect on during retreats. I would ask that you take a moment to read this question and then close your eyes while you reflect on it. Allow yourself to feel the weight of this question and the weight of your response, no matter what it is. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. It merely tells you where you are in your walk with God, so don't feel judged by what you think I want you to say, just allow yourself to honestly look inside:

If you woke up tomorrow and everything you had was gone, everyone you loved was no longer in your life, every part of your life that put a smile on your face was no longer there, would you still have joy in your heart, would you still have God's peace in your life, would you still know that despite all that you lost, despite any pain you may feel all will be well?

Read Part Three of this Series: "It is Well" here

Waking Up to our Need for God

I believe that if any lesson is to be gleaned from the tragedy of September 11, 2001 it is that no matter how much we have or how good our life is we need more than anything to cling to God. At the time I was working at Our Lady of Mount Carmel in Tempe, Arizona as the youth minister. I awoke to a roommate knocking at my door saying to get up, something horrible had happened.

Together the four of us along with a guest watched in horror as the towers fell. We all know the emotion of that day. Each time they repeated the footage of the plane entering the tower I felt a blow to my chest. Then we watched in utter horror as the towers each fell. With each image my heart and soul was pierced.

Our guest had arrived the night before in Arizona, he had moved from New York and this was how he spent his first day in his new home. For all the sorrow and pain that the rest of us felt, we could not help but hurt for him as he frantically called those closest to him only to find that phone service was cut-off. Without hesitation we all entered into prayer. On our knees we begged God's grace on this moment, for us, for our friend and those he loved back in New York, and of course for all of those who must have lost their lives. To this day I still ache when I see images of that day, or when I recollect memories of that day.

What a horrific event. It would be nearly impossible for anyone to watch that and not have their soul shaken about. It was a wake up call, a reminder. It was an event that would have us all checking ourselves and our lives a bit. There are countless stories of divorced couples who reevaluated their lives and got back together, family members who reconciled past differences, and countless people who came back to Church, at least for a time.

I recall the prayer service that our church held a day or two later. It was at lunchtime. We left the service open to the public. It was amazing, I would say there had to be well over 1500 people filling the Church which sat only about 1200. People were pouring in from all over. Many hadn't been to church in a very long time. Yet, the way people prayed would have made you think there was a revival going on. People prayed with everything they had. For the next month or so it seemed that attendance was up at most churches. People had woken up to their need for God, at least for a time.

That is the sad part, it was only for a time. It seems that it is easy to forget our need to trust in God. We are a nation of doers. We thrive on adversity and overcoming obstacles. The more we can succeed autonomously, the more we are praised for our victories. "I did it my way", goes the song and we love that song. We cheer as Sinatra bellows the final chorus, "I did it myyyyyyy wayyyy!"

What September 11, did for us as a nation was to wake us up to our need for God, Psalm 23, was sounding pretty good as we walked through that valley of death as a nation. Yet, that seemed to only last for a time. Once the stock market bounced back, businesses got to be booming again, and the unemployment lines got shorter we started singing our favorite old song again.

We have learned to accept exterior comfort in place of internal peace of heart and mind. I know it in myself. It seems I pray pretty darn well when I am in need of something. Boy I can pray when I'm trying to stretch that paycheck just a little further than it can go. But, when I have a little extra to throw around I find I don't have so much time for prayer. Why is that?

[This post is the first in a series of posts I will be doing on Trust. Click here to read Part Two "Wake Up and Lean Into God".]