Lessons from Jon and Kate

So my wife convinced me to watch a bit of reality TV last night - yes we watched the premier of Jon and Kate + 8 - or as I like to call it "The Train Wreck that is the Modern American Family".

We've watched the show before though it has been well over a year since we've seen it. Admittedly I have liked the show in the past. We decided to watch because my wife had been reading a lot of chatter over the last few weeks in the parenting forums and such and we were curious to see how this family that seemed pretty wholesome only a year ago has presumably begun to fall apart. Boy were we in for a treat. I say that with all sarcasm intended. It was as though I was watching a microscopic view of how American families fall apart.

Lesson #1 - Learn from the Ants - Ants have learned that if someone puts a magnifying glass on their back they best run for their lives or they will get burned - yes the cruelty of a five year old has taught ants the lesson that they do not want their lives under a magnifying glass - because no ant has made it out alive. Why? Because there body cannot take the excessive heat created by magnifying the sun on their small little bodies.

So the ants have learned and yet we have invented Reality TV where people voluntarily put themselves under a magnifying glass in order to make a buck. Well as Jon and Kate and their children are learning - when someone puts a magnifying glass on your life for all the world to see - you will get burned. Your family simply cannot take the public scrutiny and the heat is too much for our fragile souls to take. Certainly there are some families who have seemed to make it out okay but this is not the case for the Gosselins. I'm not sure how many times Jon said during the show that he didn't sign up for this or similar phrases - sorry buddy not only did you sign up for this you put a big sign on your back saying "point magnifying glass here!"

Lesson #1 was the least of the lessons learned by watching the above mentioned train wreck but I figured I'd include it in case any of you were considering trying to sell you family's private life to the highest bidder. $75,000 an episode sure sounds nice until you look at your family five years later and see what all you have lost.

Lesson #2 - Stop "DOING IT FOR THE CHILDREN" - I'm sorry but if Kate said "I'm doing this for the children... I wake up for the children... I'm here for the children... I'm out speaking for the children..." and so on one more time I think I may have had to go to confession.

I don't know when this disordered view of marriage and family entered the picture - but I am so tired of hearing this phrase. The children first, spouse second philosophy of family is destructive at best and a completely disordered view of marriage and family. I would argue that it is this philosophy or ideology that has been one of the leading culprits to the decay of the American family and the main reason that as generations raised under this philosophy continue to reach adulthood more and more of them have decided that marriage and family are not for them.

You do not marry for the children - in the traditional sense - most couples marry before they have children and I'm willing to bet that the reason those couples were so hot for each other in their dating and courting days is not because they thought it would be fun to live in the same house and raise some kids together. They married out of love for one another. Sure, I'm sure children was a part of the deal - something they discussed and agreed upon. But how many people do you know who looked into the love-of-their-life's eyes and said - I'm so in love with you because I know one day it will be great to be strangers living under the same roof and raising children. Marriage is first and foremost about the love of two people towards one another. Children are the fruit of that love. This is how it should always remain.

In the Catholic view of things marriage is a Vocation - a calling that is meant to be primary. Primary meaning of course what it always means - the thing that comes first (of course this would be first after of course the thing that always should come first which is God). I am nothing if I am not first a husband to my wife. My being a father is only as a result of the love I have for my wife. Together we of course should raise our children and take care of them. However, my wife must always be first - I must always seek to love her and care for her and together as the fruit of our love we should then care for our children.

People seem to get offended by this idea of loving our spouse first. But it is scriptural - remember that Jesus said "to love one another as I have loved you." - Shortly after he says "go and bear fruit that remains." (cf. John 15:9-17) He is speaking to the apostles about their vocation. Their vocation was to spread the message of the Gospel and continuing Christ's work on earth. In the vocation of marriage this command still remains - to love one another first. Then to bear fruit that remains.

We must come to understand that our vocation is not to our children - that is only secondary to our vocation to love our spouse. Raising your children is a vocation in itself but again it is the vocation that results from first loving your spouse.

When we order our marriages after "doing it for the children" it will lead to disorder for us and for our children. Our children act only in response to how we act and without seeing husband and wife love one another something is missing.

I don't know much about Jon and Kate Gosselin - only what I see on TV - but what I can tell is that they forgot to love one another first. In the proper order of love Jon and Kate should have stopped when things got rough and focused on one another. Instead they continued this path of "doing it for the children." Towards the end of the show when Jon and Kate are asked what happens from here, both of them responded with something about being in this for the children.

It was sad to see, there on that couch is your spouse dying inside over the hurt that you both have caused. This is the person you fell in love with. The person that at one point in your life you could not live without - you loved this person so much you changed your entire life to become one. Here they are sitting next to you dying inside - and all you can do is respond that you love the children. No thought that perhaps you have to save your spouse - your marriage - your primary purpose.

I pray for Jon and Kate - though they are on TV and have all that money and fame - they are still people who deserve to love and be loved in the proper way. I pray for them and for all couples that they would remember why they got married in the first place. That they would choose to love one another and lead one another to heaven.

I do not propose that I am somehow an expert at this marriage thing. Only three years into it I've made a lot of mistakes and gotten more wrong then right. But I am guided by one purpose to love my wife to heaven.

Living Life-Giving Lives

I came that they might have life and have it more abundantly. John 10:10

In the sum total of your life there will be a simple formula by which you are remembered. It will not be the amount of fun things you did, it will not be the death-defying stunts you did, it will not be the amount of money you made, it will not be the amount of accolades you received, it will not be the nice cars you drove, it will not be the number of touchdowns you scored, it will not be how good looking you were, it will be none of those things. In the sum total of your life, the math will only be this; did your life give life to others? Or to put it another way, "was your life creative?".

We are by our very nature creative. At the center of our human nature God made us male and female and gave us the parts necessary to in fact create life. He also gave us talents and abilities which are of their own miraculous. The simple tasks that you and I do each day may not seem extraordinary or even creative but have you ever had a moment when you were doing an every day thing like turning on a light where you stopped and thought of how incredible it is that Thomas Edison came up with the light bulb. Have you ever had an incredible meal and wondered how the chef or cook came up with such an incredible recipe? How is it that some people just know what will taste good? We are indeed creative at our core.

This is why I say that in the sum total of your life and mine there is a simple formula - did you give life? Unfortunately, for many of us we tend to take more than we give. I talk to people all the time who seem to just live life as if it were one big bank account meant to be spent until the last cent is gone. I actually met a man in an airport smoking section once who was enjoying a very nice and expensive cigar. As we were talking the man and he told me how he had made a lot of money in life and now that he was retired he was going to spend every last cent before he dies. He said "I hope that I overdraft on my last day." I laughed - because in my mind he must be joking - and he said, "I'm not kidding. I don't want my kids to get any of it, it is all mine. I made this money and it is mine to spend."

Are you living your life as if you are trying to overdraft your account?

There are lots of people who live this way and sadly many of them look to be living the good life. Many people applaud this kind of living even faithful believers in Christ. Still you may be wondering why it is so important that your life be "life-giving".Perhaps this short story can help:

There are two bodies of water in Jerusalem. One is flourishing and full of life. There are people congregating on its beaches regularly and wild-life everywhere. There are birds of all kinds, the waters are teaming with fish, the trees and wildflowers grow abundantly, and the water is beautiful and clear. The other is quite desolate. You would never choose to swim in this water. Its banks are bare and wildlife is hard to find. People do not congregate here and most people wouldn't eat fish caught in its waters. Both bodies of water are fed by the same river - the Jordan - so why is it that one is so full of life and the other not. Because the first, the Sea of Galilee pours out a drop of water for each one it takes in. It gives away all that it has and as such it is full of life. The other, holds the water in and never lets it out of its banks, it is called the Dead. - Matthew Kelly from Rhythm of Life

If you are living a life that is not creative or life-giving you will become stagnant just like the dead sea. On the contrary the more you seek to be "life-giving" or creative with everything you do, you will find abundance in your life. I will share more on this topic in the next day, but for now consider these questions:

1. What am I doing in my life that is life-giving or creative?
2. Am I seeking to give life to others through my relationships and encounters?

Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic in the comments section. It will help me in my next couple of articles.

In Christ,
Chris Faddis

The Work of Salvation

So Easter Sunday has come and gone. It was a beautiful day. I enjoyed my time with my wife and daughter and with some new friends. We enjoyed a wonderful meal and the beautiful surroundings of Graylin Manor, then some quality time outside. It was such a great and blessed day.

So now what? Easter is only one day for most people in this country but in the Church Easter goes on for a few more weeks. We continue to reflect and rejoice on Christ's victory over death. So what about you and I?

I am always joyful on Easter Sunday. I feel great as we celebrate the Resurrection. I feel great as I spend time with family and enjoy the beautiful day. Then as the day wears on I find myself kind of wishing the day would not end. Like a kid at the end of spring break I don't want to go back to the day to day struggles of life. I want to be lost in the Resurrection every day.

Why do I lament the day after the Resurrection? As I pondered this question yesterday I came to one conclusion: for us as Christians we must go through many deaths to self and our sinful nature before we will truly experience resurrection. Put more simply, I know that there is a lot of work to do in order for me to truly experience Resurrection.

Yes, Christ died for my sins, he went deep into the pits of sinfulness and evil and rose victorious over sin and death - giving us a pathway to heaven. This is joyful news. This is news to celebrate. But this pathway to heaven takes work. In order for me to experience true resurrection I have many things to overcome in my life. I have to go through a lot more "good Friday's" and I have to go deep within and face the sinfulness and evil within. I do this with Christ as my healer and teacher of course, and he will help me to rise victorious over the sin and evil in my own life.

But God raised him up, having loosed the pangs of death, because it was not possible for him to be held by it. For David says concerning him, `I saw the Lord always before me, for he is at my right hand that I may not be shaken; therefore my heart was glad, and my tongue rejoiced; moreover my flesh will dwell in hope. For thou wilt not abandon my soul to Hades. - Acts 2:24 - 27

I guess the hard part is not the work of healing sinfulness, because that work is not for me to do. It is taking that first step. Recognizing patterns of sin in my life is easy, admitting to them and taking them to Christ asking Him to heal them is the hardest part of all. But in today's first reading I am reminded that my "Lord [is] always before me, for he is at my right hand that I may not be shaken." So as we begin this journey of Resurrection in our own life this Easter Season, let us "dwell in hop. For [God] will not abandon [our souls] to Hades."

I move forward in Hope, rejoicing in the Resurrection even as I die to my own selfishness, pride, greed, lust, envy, sloth, hatred, anger, vanity... Therefore my heart will be glad and my tongue will rejoice.

At the Table

Holy Thursday is my favorite of all days in the Church year. I love the whole Mass, the washing of the feet, the breaking of the bread, the beloved disciple resting his head on Jesus' chest, the betrayal - I love the whole story, the whole mystery.

Every year I reflect on some different part of the Holy Thursday traditions, some years I've tried my hardest to "stay awake" with Christ while he agonizes in the garden, some years I reflect on whether or not I would deny him three times, other years I've spent time thinking about the ways I was Judas.

This year I'm finding myself thinking about being at the table. I think that is my greatest desire, to be at the table with Christ. I want to be a part of that moment, the moment that we "re-present" each Sunday. I wonder at times if the Apostles knew this would be their last "good" moment with Jesus. Did they savor every morsel, did they hang on his every word, did they take it all in so they could never forget that day?

When Jesus took the bread and broke it, saying "take this all of you and eat this bread." Did any of them have chills realizing that this meal was different than all the meals they had enjoyed with him before? Did they know that what was being shared in that moment would last forever and would be done over and over again all through history?

The truth is I don't have to wonder what it would be like to be sitting at that table with Jesus and His Apostles. I am at the table with them every time I go to Mass, and so are you. Each time we go to Mass we participate in that last supper, we are invited to sit at the table with Jesus' closest friends and to "take the bread and eat it."

So I think to myself, well if I am at the table with them, which one of the Apostles do I most closely represent?
- Am I John - the beloved disciple - resting my head on Christ's chest?
- Or am Thomas, wanting to believe all that Jesus is saying but still holding out for proof?
- Am I Peter - the eager servant who knows he will get it right, but in truth will fail three times?
- Or worse, am I Judas, selling my Lord for 30 pieces?

Truth be told, I think I'm all of them. In many moments I am His faithful servant, waiting at His chest, allowing Him to love me. Then there are times when I'm just not sure, "is He really going to get me through this? Will He really be risen?" Oh for the times I have denied his name in simple and big ways. I think of the times when someone has brought up their disregard for a Church teaching or made a comment about our beliefs and I have simply remained silent, even when they've asked my opinion. Have I betrayed Jesus - sadly I must "confess to almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do" - yes I have betrayed Him many times. I have sold my Lord for 30 pieces.

Yet, I am still sitting there by his side taking His flesh and blood and taking in His words. I am constantly amazed at how no matter what I do He still calls me by His grace to come to the table and take part in that great mystery of the Last Supper again and again.

I imagine that when Peter heard that Jesus had indeed risen he was a little nervous to see him, because he had indeed denied him. Yet, Jesus loved him just the same. Same still with Thomas who still doubted, Jesus did not rebuke him, rather he invited him to see the proof. I wonder about Judas, what if he hadn't committed suicide, would Christ have welcomed him back to the table.

Just as he welcomes you and I and all sinners to sit at the table I believe that Judas would be sitting there too if he had only turned his face back to Christ.

Today, you and I are invited to sit at the table with Jesus and his disciples and to take the bread and eat it, and to drink the cup - as they are transformed into His Body and Blood and we are transformed into His faithful disciples.

"Come, and sit at the table, and I will give you rest." (cf. Matt 11:28)

All is Well in 2009

The reports are in. It is only going to get worse. The sky is falling and the boy is crying wolf. I've been amazed at how gloomy the already despairing news media has gotten. Pull up any popular news site or web portal and you'll see the reports.

Here we are entering into a new year, a new opportunity, a fresh start, and we've already gone and dumped on it. Why? Because our blessed stocks aren't going to perform well? Because we are in fear for our jobs? Our retirement fund? Our savings accounts? Look, I understand those concerns. Perhaps you are someone who has lost your job recently and for you I pray. All of these concerns are valid and I completely get our worry when things don't look so great.

However, we seem to forget one thing. GOD HAS A GREATER PLAN THAN THIS. That's right, it may be that you lose your job this year, it may be that your stocks don't perform well and your 401k dumps more than it saves. I don't know what will happen for you this year but I do know that God is calling us to trust in HIM... not in our finances or our careers, or our material possessions.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Matthew 6:25 - 26

2009 can be the best year of your life. Even if you lose your job or if you do by some good fortune make a million dollars. However, it will not be the best year because of what you gain, earn, or save. It will only be the best year of your life if you make it an opportunity to trust in God more. To let him show you His plan for your life. It may be a different plan than yours, but I can promise you that it will be a greater plan then you could ever have imagined. So, give your finances, your marriage, your possessions, your children, your future over to Him and let Him do the worrying (Which by the way he doesn't worry, but you get the point.)

After all:

Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Matthew 6:26

Here's to a great 2009 for all those who place their trust in the Lord!